A Sexual Visibility
Saturday, August 18th, 2007
ASEXUAL VISIBILITY…
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community, each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently. Asexuality is just beginning to be the subject of scientific research.
Relationships
Asexual people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on their own, others are happiest with a group of close friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as likely to date sexual people as we are to date each other.
Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun, humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual people, asexual people are given few expectations about the way that our intimate relationships will work. Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be monogamous in a nonsexual relationships can be challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form relationships in ways that are grounded in our individual needs and desires.
Attraction
Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people who experience attraction will often be attracted to a particular gender, and will identify as gay, bi, or straight.
Arousal
For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure.
Note: People do not need sexual arousal to be healthy, but in a minority of cases a lack of arousal can be the symptom of a more serious medical condition. If you do not experience sexual arousal or if you suddenly lose interest in sex you should probably check with a doctor just to be safe.
Identity
Most people on AVEN have been asexual for our entire lives. Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa. Another small minority will think of themselves as asexual for a brief period of time while exploring and questioning their own sexuality.
There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.
What do you think about asexuality in a relation?
Can you love a man who has asexual visibility?
Do you have asexual visbility?
Did you ever know an asexual people?
what was her/his opinion for it?
Battle of the Sexes
Sex
Women prefer 30 to 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 45 seconds of foreplay. For the man, driving back to her place is considered a part of foreplay.
Maturity
Women mature at a much faster rate than men. Most 17 year old females can function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.
Groceries
A woman knows how to shop for groceries. She makes a list of the things she needs, and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man does not shop on a frequent basis. He waits until the only items left in his refrigerator are an opened can of Schlitz and a half a lime. Then he goes grocery shopping. A man buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on the Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10 items or less lane.
Magazines
Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.
Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary, and they dot their "i’s" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p’s" and "g’s." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Comedy
Let’s say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man’s favorite stooge. The woman will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
Bathrooms
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical American women’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready, as soon as she finds her other earring, makes one phone call and finishes putting on her makeup.
Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
Leg Warmers
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in A Chorus Line.
Mirrors
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface, mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, or Joe Garagiola’s head.
Menopause
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction — he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
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The Telephone
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in his house
Virginity Lost, Experience Gained
Losing virginity is one of the most profound experiences of growing up. While it gets a lot of play in books and movies, it’s rarely been the subject of serious study.
A Vanderbilt University sociologist has sought to make sense of our widely varying experiences. She proposes that how you lost your virginity, who it was with, and how it has affected later sexual relationships might be best understood in terms of the expectations you brought to the event and how the experience fit your expectations.
Laura M. Carpenter, PhD, interviewed 33 women and 28 men, aged 18 to 35, about losing virginity. The predominantly heterosexual group also included gays, lesbians, bisexuals, virgins, and born-again virgins. They represented diverse racial and ethnic groups, social class backgrounds, and religious traditions. Five were still virgins. From her research came the book, Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences, in which she describes a framework for understanding what virginity loss means to people.
A group not represented in Carpenter’s interviews is young people who take virginity pledges. They’re the subject of a study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) of sexual activity among teens who pledged of abstinence until marriage compared with teens who had not taken such a pledge.
Defining Virginity Loss
While it’s been traditionally held that virginity loss occurred with first-time vaginal sex, that definition doesn’t necessarily hold for gays and lesbians nor for some heterosexuals. Carpenter heard various personal definitions from the people she interviewed. Some considered first orgasm or first oral or anal sex to be virginity loss. A lesbian who never had sex with a man might consider herself a virgin. Then there’s the category of "born-again" or "secondary" virgins — people who lost their virginity but later pledge to be celibate until marriage.
Regardless of how they defined the experience, Carpenter says its significance and impact derive from which one of three metaphors they attached to the experience: as a gift, as a stigma, or as a rite of passage.
The ‘Gifters’ Seek Romance
The people Carpenter calls ‘gifters’ anticipate virginity loss in romantic terms with a significant partner. Their virginity is a gift to be given only to someone special. Often they’ve been reared with strong religious convictions and believe it’s a sin to have sex before marriage.
Gifters typically want the experience to be perfect. How satisfying it is depends on reciprocity from their partner and a sense that the relationship has been strengthened. If the experience doesn’t meet their expectations, they can be disappointed or even devastated. Some seek to become "born-again virgins."
"A lot of people want it to be special, and I respect that," says Carpenter, who is assistant professor of sociology at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tenn. "But you can get past the idea that because something went wrong you’re doomed forever."
She advises thinking of the experience as a chapter in your sexual education. Consider what you can do differently the next time with the same partner or with a different partner or what can make this better for you. "People who can think about it in those terms ended up being a lot happier."
The ‘Stigmatized’ See Virginity as a Burden
The stereotype portrayed in the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin is often true. By a certain age it may be embarrassing to be a virgin, especially if you’re a male. Carpenter says the ’stigmatized’ care little about romance and relationships. They want to shed the burden of virginity, and they engage in sex for physical pleasure.
Most of the stigmatized people Carpenter interviewed had positive experiences of virginity loss. But because they were trying to hide their inexperience and because they were with a casual partner, the stigmatized were the least likely of those she interviewed to have protected sex. Most of them altered their view about virginity loss later on and adopted the view of ‘processors.’
The ‘Processors’ Are Most Satisfied
About one-third of the people Carpenter interviewed considered virginity loss a rite of passage or a step in the process of growing up. Processors are likely to plan their virginity loss and to use birth control or condoms. They’re also better equipped to take a bad first experience in stride and move on.
In most cases the parents of processors were permissive in their attitudes toward adolescent sexuality and assumed that their children would have sex before marriage.
Carpenter considers that attitude realistic in today’s world. "It doesn’t make sense to me to encourage people to wait until they’re married in a world where we know that early marriage is more likely to lead to divorce, where the average age of first marriage is 26 for men and 24 for women, and puberty is 12 or younger."
Research Yields Surprises
Carpenter’s research turned up two surprises, although she tells WebMD she’s not as surprised as others are. First, women and men turned out to be more alike than expected. "The idea we have from TV and movies is that for women it’s all about love and for men it’s all about getting it over with. I did see that women were more likely to use the gift metaphor, and men were more likely to use the stigma metaphor, but plenty of women talked about the stigma and plenty of men talked about it as a gift.
"If men and women shared metaphors, the choices they made and the kinds of experiences they had were pretty similar. That’s something that hasn’t been noticed that much."
The second surprise was discovering how similar gay and lesbian experiences were compared with heterosexual’s experiences, and the big difference by generation across the "HIV divide." Whereas older gays and lesbians were likely to have lost their virginity to a partner of the opposite sex, that was not the case for today’s younger generation. "Gay/lesbian and bisexual youth who grew up after HIV had come into the spotlight in the mid- to late 1980s were a lot more aware that there are other gay people. … Younger gays and lesbians were likely to recognize they liked people of the same sex," says Carpenter.
Carpenter tells WebMD that a lot of people are perfectly happy about how they lost their virginity. "For people who think it could have been otherwise, they might think of it as a chapter in a bigger story. It shapes some future experiences, but it doesn’t destine you to anything. Treat it as part of a longer education rather than this one single moment that was going to change everything for you."
What Is the Impact of Virginity Pledges?
Teens who take virginity pledges become sexually active later than peers who don’t; however, much depends on their age and environment, according to an NICHD study conducted by sociologists Peter S. Bearman, PhD, of Columbia University in New York, and Hannah Brueckner, PhD, of Yale University in New Haven, Conn.
The study, reported in the American Journal of Sociology, analyzed data collected in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (Add Health), a comprehensive survey of 90,000 students in seventh through 12th grades.
Pledgers were more likely than non-pledgers to be religious, of Asian ancestry, lower scoring on a verbal vocabulary test, and involved in a romantic relationship. Pledging had little impact on teens 18 and older, but 16- to 17-year old pledgers delayed sex significantly compared with non-pledgers.
In an environment in which a high percentage of students took virginity pledges, the pledge had little effect on delaying sexual activity. The researchers observed that the pledge had more impact if it is made by a minority.
While delaying sex can have a positive impact on reducing sexually transmitted disease and unwanted pregnancy, the research showed that when pledgers became sexually active, they were less likely than non-pledgers to use contraception.
What happens when a teen breaks the pledge? The research showed they experienced no greater loss of self-esteem than non-pledgers who lost their virginity
WHAT DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
WHEN ?
DO YOU STILL WITH HIM?
DO YOU STILL DREAM HIM?
WAS IT LOVE OR JUST A SEX?
Why do women fake orgasms?
The two most common reasons women give for faking orgasms are to make their male partners feel better and to end sex when they are tired. Women report feeling like their male partners are not satisfied until they “give” their female partner an orgasm, thus sex will continue until the woman either has an orgasm, or fakes orgasm.
Men also give the “to get it over with” excuse when asked why they would fake an orgasm, as well as describing the feeling of expectation. Despite the lies about sex we’re supposed to believe, men can’t always have orgasms whenever they want, and sometimes they’ll fake it rather than deal with what’s actually going on for them.
Those are the reasons people give for faking orgasms. But it’s worth asking why people even think about faking orgasms rather than talking to their partner, asking for something different, or simply saying “I’d tired I want to stop having sex now.” There’s no easy answer to this question, but like it or not, faking orgasms is a form of lying to your partner, and if sexual health is your goal, lying about sex is something worth cutting down, or cutting out altogether.
HAVE YOU EVER DO FAKE ORGASMS?(pls just answer YES or No)
DO YOU THINK FAKE ORGASMS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR PARTNER OR TO BE HONEST IS BETTER IN SEX LIFE?
THE FAKE ORGASMS LIKE LITTLE WHITE LIES FOR YOU?
my angels this subject can be adult xxx for you…but mostly women make fake orgasms and they thought it is right,ı just wanted to know your ideas…ty for your understanding….

